“Sharing problems and asking for help doesn’t mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of trust”.

Many of us would have heard the above quote some time or the other. It sounds very simple and tells that sharing problems and seeking help is good. But how often do we share problems or seek help? Very rarely.  But, have you ever thought why we hesitate?  It is the fear of rejection, embarrassment or fear of being judged or laughed at which keeps us away from it?  We suffer, struggle but never dare asking.

Studies have shown that successful people always share their problems and are ready to ask help if needed.  It is an art practiced and a skill developed by successful people all over the world.  But whom we choose for this, is very important.

We all have been in difficult situations when we would have felt like sharing our problem with somebody or ask for help. Sometimes, we did share and ask.  The result was unexpected. People, who needed to help or understand, did it least where as the people we thought were tough or insensible actually did come to our help. After years of experience through such situations, we start learning to choose people to share or ask.  The sharing can become our strength or weakness simply by the quality of the people we select to share.

The psychology is that, we do it with two extreme group of people.  The first being total failures and the second being highly successful.

1. Total Failures

We choose people who are total failures to share our grief. Why do we do that?

Is it because they are sailing in the same boat or because they won’t laugh at us?

Yes. Both are correct. We know that they don’t laugh at us.

How do feel after sharing or what do we gain?

Such people give us a false comfort, feel our problem as real.  Instead of suggesting solution, they warm us with sympathy and act as emotional outlets.

Sympathy is needed, but if habituated, it acts like drug which is appealing.  It will curb your abilities and demotivate you.  This gradually leads to failure and mediocrity.

2. Successful People

The second set of people we choose are successful people.  These people know what our condition is because they would have faced the similar challenges, problems and may have committed mistakes.  They understand genuinely. Then, they may even help us to solve it.  When we share it with this category of people, it can really turn into our strength.  We learn new strategies, learn to see things in different perspective and also learn to think right.   And we are sure to be a success story, a role model.  People will ask us suggestions, we will be a person of integrity,   trust worthiness and competence.

3. Special People 

And there are special category of people who have not faced anything of that sort or are totally unrelated or unable to help you solve it.  But they understand and stand by us in whatever we do because they love.  They are the people who truly love us.  But surprisingly, we rarely spend time with them or share anything.  But they always stand by us, offer prayers and bless whole heartedly.  Our parents, sisters, brothers and most often our friends are those special people.  If you have anybody who did standby during your bad time, that relationship is priceless.  Don’t ever let them go.  They truly love you.

Lonely Sailor….

Sometimes it may so happen that you lack interaction with such people or they are unavailable for some reason. In such a case, you are  unable to express the difficulty or seek help.   Then, be determined to solve it yourself or grow above your problems with your own effort.  Be calm, work sincerely to get over it.  Use your instincts to make decisions and in one way or the other, the help arrives for sure.

Remember the words of Einstein –

“I am thankful to all those who refused to help me.  It is because of them that I learned to do it myself”.